Individual Final Project Essay Example for Free

Individual Final Project Essay When it comes to the topic of diversity and what is has taught me I really think of a few things. Diversity has really taught me a lot about myself as well as tolerance to others around me. Really there is nowhere in the world today that diversity is not present or has not had some sort of effect on our society as a whole. All in all I think that diversity really just means being different than others in various ways. I think if the United States never had any instances of diversity we would be a pretty boring and simple society. Many of our great minds of today as well as the past where very unique and diverse individuals. Without any type of diversity we would be exactly alike there would be nothing different about each other. The world would be plain and boring as well. I like to think that without any type of diversity the world would be without any type of color or texture as if we were in a 50’s TV show. We are different in race, gender, age, sexuality, religion and a whole lot of other things. There will be certain things that we have in common and some things that we don’t have in common. In order to understand someone I believe you need to get to know them better. You need to understand what makes them happy and what really works their nerves. There are so many cultures out here that we really don’t know anything about. It is good to learn about the different cultures that are out here. By learning from the different cultures we are able to see the things that we do that are in common with our culture and the things that are done differently from us. Some things that we do for fun might be something that they don’t approve of. Nowadays people take certain things for granted while in another culture they enjoy it and not abuse it. There are a lot of different things that I have found out about my race. As I was reading back over some of the chapters I see that â€Å"the marriage of a White person and an African American would have been illegal in 22 other states† back in the 1960’s. (Chapter 1 Racial and Ethnic Groups) That is something that I really did not know and was really shocked to find out as well. I did learn an interesting fact about African Americans however. It was interesting to lear n that not all African Americans were brought over here to the United States as slaves or that they were the only slaves. It is a common mistake made that America had only Black† slaves. There were many Europeans sent here as indentured servants. They had to work off the trip to America and also some were sent here because of debts and had to work them off. Irish Immigrants were also thought of as lower than slaves. The Japanese and Chinese were both used as slaves and many lost their live building our railroad system. You also must remember there were Blacks who owned slaves. One of the largest Plantation houses in the South was owned by a Free Black Woman. Not all blacks were slaves it is just the way it has been portrayed in History books. As far as trends in the area of immigration I would have to say I agree with the info in the reading material. After looking over the reading material from Chapter 1 there is a pie chart of the population for the years 2010 and 2050. In the chart the prediction for the U.S. population for 2050 states that there will be more Hispanics than there was in the 201 0 chart. There will be a decrease in the White Non-Hispanics and the African Americans stays about the same percentage. Although the United States is heavily populated I say that the Hispanics will have overpopulated many of the other races. The United States really has a lot to deal with in the area of diversity and its people. Discrimination is one of the major challenges that we will face because we can’t seem to get along and treat others like we are supposed to be or want to be treated ourselves. I think that the United States will be a lot better if we could all get along and really have a better understanding of the others around us and those who came before us. Like I stated earlier the United States was built on a premise that we are the ultimate dream and welcome people from all over the world. Hopefully maybe one day that will come true but that remains to be seen today and in the future years as well. Prejudice is another challenge that the United States faces due to the diversity of the people and those set in their ways. Stereotyping is another challenge that we face today as well as the past years as well. These things are in my opinion very much taught and passed down from generation to generation. All three of these challenges are serious and need to be stopped because they are all inappropriate in many ways and just plain mean and spiteful. There are plenty more challenges out here that we face on a day to day basis but we have to start somewhere. When it comes to having a diverse society I think there are really several benefits. There really are so many different benefits that we can have. Being that we are so diverse we will inherit a lot of things such as the different foods that all the different cultures have to offer. Each culture has something different than what the other cultures have. Each individual has something different to offer to our society. Being diverse is something special because we can each learn something new from one another. There are different dances, music; we all celebrate different holidays and a whole bunch of other things. The society that we live in has so much to offer and we are too blind to really see what is happening. At times I think the media does a good job of portraying people wrongly and it teaches us to stereotype them as well. We are so quick to judge others rather than getting to know them based on what we have seen or have heard from others. We really need to do a better job and find the best way to foster a good climate of acceptance for those around us and different than we are. It all starts with simply acting in a good civilized manner at all times. â€Å"Cultural pluralism is a term used when smaller groups within a larger society maintain their unique cultural identities, and their values and practices are accepted by the wider culture.† I think as long as we treat everyone they way that we want to be treated then we would be better off. It is really as simple as that and there is no better way to put it. We mainly need to learn to get along and stop all this bickering in addition to the other altercations that are currently going on in this world. The media can be a great to ol when it comes to teaching about diversity as well as a way to portray people in the wrong sense as well. The media perpetuates stereotyping and prejudice a lot sometimes whether it be on the radio or on the television set as well. An example of stereotyping would be portraying all black males as being in different gangs or some type of hoodlum. In Reality the percentage of blacks that are in gangs is not as high as told. In fact not all young black males are in a gang or even gang affiliated for that matter. Take the Treyvon Martin case for example. The thing was so blown out of proportion due to the fact he was a young black male walking around at night with a hoodie on. The media portrays this as a gang member and to some degree it could be the reason he was killed. The hysteria created simply caused Mr. Zimmerman to overreact thus causing him to shoot this teen and cause outrage in the black community. Usually when the television portrays blacks or even Hispanics for that matter it is usually a story about either murder or. You hardly see them advertise anything about a Caucasian doi ng anything unless it is some sort of celebrity or perhaps some weird random story taking place in Alabama or any of the southern states. You really have to do a search for them because I assume they don’t think it is important. It is so much prejudice going on out here in this world until it really doesn’t make any sense. I wish we could all get alone but sometimes that seems impossible. The media really needs to do a better job of providing a better sense of diversity and how we perceive others. I think that the media should help the viewers to understand that not everything you hear or see is really true. If there was a course for everyone to take to let them know that they need to investigate on what they hear or see. Television stations and radio stations need to start appreciating diversity. Diversity is beautiful and needs to be recognized more often. If it was not for diversity we would be all plain and boring. We as a country really need to do better when it comes to the topic of diversity. I wish that we could all get along and be treated as equals but that is simply not going to happen anytime soon. There are still a lot of prejudiced people out here in this world and sadly not a lot has changed over the years. I have had the displeasure of being around some people that were prejudice and it really makes me sad for them. To think that people are so single minded and set in their ways is pretty sad. I don’t really know how we as individuals and the United States work together to reduce prejudice but we need to start somewhere. I think classes such as cultural diversity are a good way to start but there is no way to make people think outside the box. We need to have more educational television shows that will increase the appreciation for diversity. We also need more television shows that can help us to reduce prejudice because it is a serious subject that needs to be addressed. I think when it comes to changing my ways or my behavior there is a few things I can do. I think that if I change my behavior to be more inclusive and pluralistic I would need to think about certain things before I act on them. By simply putting a little more thought into things can simply create a better outcome. I think that I need to get to know other people in different cultures and learn more about what they do and how they function. By getting to know other people in the other cultures will really help me to understand them rather judging them before actually knowing what they are about.

Advantages And Disadvantages Of Organic Light Emitting Diodes Engineering Essay

Advantages And Disadvantages Of Organic Light Emitting Diodes Engineering Essay An organic light emitting diode (OLED), also organic electro luminescent device (OELD), is a light-emitting diode (LED) whose emissive electroluminescent layer is composed of a film of organic compounds. This layer of organic semiconductor material is formed between two electrodes, where at least one of the electrodes is transparent. Such devices can be used in television screens, computer monitors, small, portable system screens such as cell phones and PDAs, watches, advertising, information and indication. OLEDs can also be used in light sources for general space illumination, and large-area light-emitting elements. Due to the younger stage of development, OLEDs typically emit less light per unit area than inorganic solid-state based LEDs which are usually designed for use as point-light sources. In the context of displays, OLEDs have certain advantages over traditional liquid crystal displays (LCDs). OLED displays do not require a backlight to function. Thus, they can display deep black levels and can be thinner and lighter than LCD panels. OLED displays also naturally achieve higher contrast ratios than either LCD screens using cold cathode fluorescent lamps (CCFLs) or the more recently developed LED backlights in conditions of low ambient light such as dark rooms. Working principle A typical OLED is composed of an emissive layer, a conductive layer, a substrate, and both anode and cathode terminals. The layers are made of organic molecules that conduct electricity. The layers have conductivity levels ranging from insulators to conductors, so OLEDs are considered organic semiconductors. The first, most basic OLEDs consisted of a single organic layer, for example the first light-emitting polymer device synthesised by Burroughs et al. involved a single layer of poly(p-phenylene vinylene). Multilayer OLEDs can have more than two layers to improve device efficiency. As well as conductive properties, layers may be chosen to aid charge injection at electrodes by providing a more gradual electronic profile,[28] or block a charge from reaching the opposite electrode and being wasted.[29] Schematic of a 2-layer OLED: 1. Cathode (à ¢Ã‹â€ Ã¢â‚¬â„¢), 2. Emissive Layer, 3. Emission of radiation, 4. Conductive Layer, 5. Anode (+) A voltage is applied across the OLED such that the anode is positive with respect to the cathode. This causes a current of electrons to flow through the device from cathode to anode. Thus, the cathode gives electrons to the emissive layer and the anode withdraws electrons from the conductive layer; in other words, the anode gives electron holes to the conductive layer. Soon, the emissive layer becomes negatively charged, while the conductive layer becomes rich in positively charged holes. Electrostatic forces bring the electrons and the holes towards each other and they recombine. This happens closer to the emissive layer, because in organic semiconductors holes are more mobile than electrons. The recombination causes a drop in the energy levels of electrons, accompanied by an emission of radiation whose frequency is in the visible region. That is why this layer is called emissive. The device does not work when the anode is put at a negative potential with respect to the cathode. In this condition, holes move to the anode and electrons to the cathode, so they are moving away from each other and do not recombine. Indium tin oxide is commonly used as the anode material. It is transparent to visible light and has a high work function which promotes injection of holes into the polymer layer. Metals such as aluminium and calcium are often used for the cathode as they have low work functions which promote injection of electrons into the polymer layer.[30] Just like passive-matrix LCD versus active-matrix LCD, OLEDs can be categorized into passive-matrix and active-matrix displays. Active-matrix OLEDs (AMOLED) require a thin-film transistor backplane to switch the individual pixel on or off, and can make higher resolution and larger size displays possible. Material technologies Small molecules Efficient OLEDs using small molecules were first developed at Eastman Kodak by Dr. Ching W. Tang. The production of small-molecule displays often involves vacuum deposition, which makes the production process more expensive than other processing techniques. Since this is typically carried out on glass substrates, these displays are also not flexible, though this limitation is not inherent to small-molecule organic materials. The term OLED traditionally refers to this type of device, though some are using the term SM-OLED. Molecules commonly used in OLEDs include organo-metallic chelates (for example Alq3, used in the first organic light-emitting device)[26] and conjugated dendrimers. Contrary to polymers, small molecules can be evaporated and therefore very complex multi-layer structures can be constructed. This high flexibility in layer design is the main reason for the high efficiencies of the SM-OLEDs. Coherent emission from a laser dye-doped tandem SM-OLED device, excited in the pulsed regime, has been demonstrated.[31] The emission is nearly diffraction limited with a spectral width similar to that of broadband dye lasers.[32] Polymer light-emitting diodes LEP display showing partial failure An old OLED display showing wear Polymer light-emitting diodes (PLED), also light-emitting polymers (LEP), involve an electroluminescent conductive polymer, that emits light when connected to an external voltage source. They are used as a thin film for full-spectrum colour displays and require a relatively small amount of power for the light produced. No vacuum is required, and the emissive materials can be applied on the substrate by a technique derived from commercial inkjet printing.[33][34] The substrate used can be flexible, such as PET.[35] Thus flexible PLED displays, also called Flexible OLED (or FOLED), may be produced inexpensively. Typical polymers used in PLED displays include derivatives of poly(p-phenylene vinylene) and polyfluorene. Substitution of side chains onto the polymer backbone may determine the colour of emitted light[36] or the stability and solubility of the polymer for performance and ease of processing.[37] Applications of OLEDs in solid state lighting require the achievement of high brightness with good CIE coordinates (for white emission). The use of macromolecular species like polyhedral oligomeric silsesquioxanes (POSS) in conjunction with the use of phosphorescent species such as Ir for printed OLEDs have exhibited brightnesses as high as 10,000  cd/m2.[38] Phosphorescent materials Phosphorescent OLED (PHOLED) uses the principle of electrophosphorescence to convert electrical energy in an OLED into light in a highly efficient manner. Patterning technologies Patternable organic light-emitting device (POLED) uses a light or heat activated electroactive layer. A latent material (PEDOT-TMA) is included in this layer that, upon activation, becomes highly efficient as a hole injection layer. Using this process, light-emitting devices with arbitrary patterns can be prepared.[39] Colour patterning can be accomplished by means of laser, such as radiation-induced sublimation transfer (RIST).[40] Organic vapour jet printing (OVJP) uses an inert carrier gas, such as argon or nitrogen, to transport evaporated organic molecules (as in Organic Vapor Phase Deposition). The gas is expelled through a micron sized nozzle or nozzle array close to the substrate as it is being translated. This allows printing arbitrary multilayer patterns without the use of solvents. Conventional OLED displays are formed by vapor thermal evaporation (VTE) and are patterned by shadow-mask. A mechanical mask has openings allowing the vapor to pass only on the desired location. Backplane technologies For a high resolution display like a TV, a TFT backplane is necessary to drive the pixels correctly. Currently, LTPS-TFT (low temperature poly silicon) is used for commercial AMOLED displays. LTPS-TFT has variation of the performance in a display, so various compensation circuits have been reported.[41] Due to the size limitation of the excimer laser used for LTPS, the AMOLED size was limited. To cope with the hurdle related to the panel size, amorphous-silicon/microcrystalline-silicon backplanes have been reported with large display prototype demonstrations.[42] Structure Bottom or top emission Bottom emission uses a transparent or semi-transparent bottom electrode to get the light through a transparent substrate. Top emission[43][41] uses a transparent or semi-transparent top electrode emitting light directly. Top-emitting OLEDs are better suited for active-matrix applications as they can be more easily integrated with a non-transparent transistor backplane. Transparent OLED Transparent organic light-emitting device (TOLED) use transparent or semi-transparent contacts on both sides of the device to create displays that can be made to be both top and bottom emitting (transparent). TOLEDs can greatly improve contrast, making it much easier to view displays in bright sunlight[citation needed]. This technology can be used in Head-up displays, smart windows or augmented reality applications. Stacked OLED Stacked OLED (SOLED) uses a pixel architecture that stacks the red, green, and blue subpixels on top of one another instead of next to one another, leading to substantial increase in gamut and color depth, and greatly reducing pixel gap. Currently, other display technologies have the RGB (and RGBW) pixels mapped next to each other decreasing potential resolution. Inverted OLED In contrast to a conventional OLED, in which the anode is placed on the substrate, an Inverted OLED (IOLED) uses a bottom cathode that can be connected to the drain end of an n-channel TFT especially for the low cost amorphous silicon TFT backplane useful in the manufacturing of AMOLED displays.[44] Advantages The different manufacturing process of OLEDs lends itself to several advantages over flat-panel displays made with LCD technology. Although the method is not currently commercially viable for mass production, OLEDs can be printed onto any suitable substrate using an inkjet printer or even screen printing technologies,[45] they could theoretically have a lower cost than LCDs or plasma displays. However, it is the fabrication of the substrate that is the most complex and expensive process in the production of a TFT LCD, so any savings offered by printing the pixels is easily cancelled out by OLEDs requirement to use a more costly P-Si (or LTPS) substrate a fact that is born out by the significantly higher initial price of AMOLED displays than their TFT LCD competitors. A mitigating factor to this price differential going into the future is the cost of retooling existing lines to produce AMOLED displays over LCDs to take advantage of the economies of scale afforded by mass production. Use of flexible substrates could open the door to new applications such as roll-up displays and displays embedded in fabrics or clothing. OLEDs can enable a greater artificial contrast ratio (both dynamic range and static, measured in purely dark conditions) and viewing angle compared to LCDs because OLED pixels directly emit light. OLED pixel colours appear correct and unshifted, even as the viewing angle approaches 90 degrees from normal. LCDs filter the light emitted from a backlight, allowing a small fraction of light through so they cannot show true black, while an inactive OLED element produces no light and consumes no power. OLEDs can also have a faster response time than standard LCD screens. Whereas LCD displays are capable of a 1ms response time or less[46] offering a frame rate of 1,000 Hz or higher, an OLED can theoretically have less than 0.01 ms response time enabling 100,000 Hz refresh rates. Disadvantages Lifespan The biggest technical problem for OLEDs is the limited lifetime of the organic materials.[47] In particular, blue OLEDs historically have had a lifetime of around 14,000 hours to half original brightness (five years at 8 hours a day) when used for flat-panel displays, which is lower than the typical lifetime of LCD, LED or PDP technology-each currently rated for about 60,000 hours to half brightness, depending on manufacturer and model. However, some manufacturers displays aim to increase the lifespan of OLED displays, pushing their expected life past that of LCD displays by improving light outcoupling, thus achieving the same brightness at a lower drive current.[48][49] In 2007, experimental OLEDs were created which can sustain 400  cd/m2 of luminance for over 198,000 hours for green OLEDs and 62,000 hours for blue OLEDs.[50] Color balance issues Additionally, as the OLED material used to produce blue light degrades significantly more rapidly than the materials that produce other colors, blue light output will decrease relative to the other colors of light. This differential color output change will change the color balance of the display and is much more noticeable than a decrease in overall luminance.[51] This can be partially avoided by adjusting colour balance but this may require advanced control circuits and interaction with the user, which is unacceptable for some uses. In order to delay the problem, manufacturers bias the colour balance towards blue so that the display initially has an artificially blue tint, leading to complaints of artificial-looking, over-saturated colors. Water damage Water can damage the organic materials of the displays. Therefore, improved sealing processes are important for practical manufacturing. Water damage may especially limit the longevity of more flexible displays.[52] Outdoor performance As an emissive display technology, OLEDs are 100% reliant converting electricity to light whereas most LCD displays contain at least some portion of reflective technology and e-ink leads the way in efficiency with ~33% reflectivity of sunlight, enabling the display to be used without any artificial light source. OLEDs typically produce only around 200 nits of light leading to poor readability in bright ambient light, such as outdoors, whereas displays that use reflective light are able to increase their brightness in the presence of ambient light to help overcome unwanted surface reflections without using any additional power. Power consumption While an OLED will consume around 40% of the power of an LCD displaying an image which is primarily black, for the majority of images, it will consume 60-80% of the power of an LCD however it can use over three times as much power to display an image with a white background[53] such as a document or website. This can lead to disappointing real-world battery life in mobile devices. Screen burn-in Unlike displays with a common light source, the brightness of each OLED pixel fades depending on the content displayed. Combined with the short lifetime the organic dyes, this leads to screen burn-in[54], worse than was common in the days of CRT-based displays Technology demos Samsung applications In January 2005, Samsung announced the worlds largest OLED TV at the time, at 21  inches (53  cm).[55] This OLED featured the highest resolution at 2.3 million pixels (WUXGA: widescreen ultra-extended graphics array) at the time. In addition, the company adopted AM-based technology for its low power consumption and high-resolution qualities. In January 2008, Samsung showcased the worlds largest and thinnest OLED TV at the time, at 31-inches and 4.3  mm.[56] In May 2008, Samsung unveiled an ultra-thin 12.1  inch laptop OLED display concept, with a 1,280ÃÆ'-768 resolution with infinite contrast ratio.[57] According to Woo Jong Lee, Vice President of the Mobile Display Marketing Team at Samsung SDI, the company expects OLED displays to be used in notebook PCs as soon as 2010.[58] In October 2008, Samsung showcased the worlds thinnest OLED display, also the first to be flappable and bendable.[59] It measures just 0.05  mm (thinner than paper), yet a Samsung staff member said that it is technically possible to make the panel thinner.[59] To achieve this thickness, Samsung etched an OLED panel that uses a normal glass substrate. The drive circuit was formed by low-temperature polysilicon TFTs. Also, low-molecular organic EL materials were employed. The pixel count of the display is 480 ÃÆ'- 272. The contrast ratio is 100,000:1, and the luminance is 200  cd/m ². The colour reproduction range is 100% of the NTSC standard. In October 2008, Samsung unveiled the worlds largest OLED Television at 40-inch with a Full HD resolution of 1920ÃÆ'-1080 pixel.[60] In the FPD International, Samsung stated that its 40-inch OLED Panel is the largest size currently possible. The panel has a contrast ratio of 1,000,000:1, a colour gamut of 107% NTSC, and a luminance of 200  cd/m ² (peak luminance of 600  cd/m ²). At the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in January 2010, Samsung demonstrated a laptop computer with a large, transparent OLED display[61] and an animated OLED display in a photo ID card.[62] Sony applications In 2004, Sony released the Sony CLIÉ PEG-VZ90, the first commercial device to feature an OLED screen. In 2006, Sony introduced the MZ-RH1 Portable Minidisc Recorder, which has an OLED screen.[63] At the Las Vegas CES 2007, Sony showcased 11-inch (28  cm, resolution 960ÃÆ'-540) and 27-inch (68.5  cm, full HD resolution at 1920ÃÆ'-1080) OLED TV models.[64] Both claimed 1,000,000:1 contrast ratios and total thicknesses (including bezels) of 5  mm. In April 2007, Sony announced it would manufacture 1000 11-inch OLED TVs per month for market testing purposes.[65] On October 1, 2007, Sony announced that the 11-inch model, now called the XEL-1, would be released commercially;[1] the XEL-1 was first released in Japan in December 2007.[66] In May 2007, Sony publicly unveiled a video of a 2.5-inch flexible OLED screen which is only 0.3 millimeters thick.[67] At the CES 2008, Sony showcased the Walkman X series with 3 OLED touchscreen.[68] In April 2008, at Display 2008, Sony showed a 0.2  mm (0.0079  inch) thick 3.5  inch display with a resolution of 320ÃÆ'-200 pixels and a 0.3  mm thick 11  inch display with 960ÃÆ'-540 pixels resolution (one-tenth the thickness of the XEL-1).[69][70] In July 2008, a Japanese government body said it would fund a joint project of leading firms, which is to develop a key technology to produce large, energy-saving organic displays. The project involves one laboratory and 10 companies including Sony Corp. NEDO said the project was aimed at developing a core technology to mass-produce 40  inch or larger OLED displays in the late 2010s.[71] In October 2008, Sony has published results of research it carried out with the Max Planck Institute over the possibility of mass-market bending displays, which could replace rigid LCDs and plasma screens. Eventually, bendable, transparent OLED screens could be stacked to produce 3D images with much greater contrast ratios and viewing angles than existing products.[72] In April 2009, Sony demonstrated a 21 prototype at the Display Japan conference in Tokyo.[73] This was followed up by a 24.5 3D OLED demonstration from Sony, during CES 2010.[74] Other companies The Optimus Maximus keyboard developed by the Art. Lebedev Studio and released early 2008 uses 113 48ÃÆ'-48-pixel OLEDs (10.1ÃÆ'-10.1  mm) for its keys. OLEDs can be used in High-Resolution Holography (Volumetric display). Professor Orbit showed on May 12, 2007, EXPO Lisbon the potential application of these materials to reproduce three-dimensional video.[citation needed] OLEDs could also be used as solid-state light sources. OLED efficiency and lifetime already exceed those of incandescent light bulbs, and OLEDs are investigated worldwide as a source of general illumination; an example is the EU OLLA project.[75]. On May 2009, Philips was the first company to comercialize on his website large area pixels OLEDs (60 cm2) for ambient lighting (Lumiblade OLED Pixels [76] whose shape, size and color can be selected by customers). On March 11, 2008 GE Global Research demonstrated the first successful roll-to-roll manufactured OLED, marking a major milestone towards cost effective production of commercial OLED technology. The four year, $13 million research project was carried out by GE Global Research, Energy Conversion Devices, Inc and the National Institute of Standards and Technology.[77][78] Chi Mei Corporation of Taiwan, demonstrated a 25 Low-Temperature Polycrystalline silicon Active Matrix OLED at the Society of Information Displays (SID) conference in Los Angeles, CA, USA on May 20-22, 2008. On June 5, 2009 DuPont demonstrated a new material that can be printed, so called solution deposition. The breakthrough is the ability to produce economically scalable and durable OLED displays at the 2009 International Symposium, May 31-June 5, 2009, Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center, San Antonio, TX, USA The use of OLEDs is also being investigated for the treatment of cancer by photodynamic therapy.[79] On 30 Aug 2009, South Koreas LG Electronics said it would launch a 15-inch television set using AM-OLED displays for sale in November.[80][81] According to Isuppli Corp,[82] upward momentum of OLED Shipments for primary cell phone displays is their expectation in coming years. They claimed that global shipments of OLED main cell phone displays would rise to 178 million units in 2015, up from 22.2 million in 2009. In other words, the shipments will rise eightfold by 2015. Therefore, its evident that the manufacture of OLED display and OLED equipment by Samsung, DuPont, Anwell, Chi Mei Corporation, etc has expanded dramatically in recent years. Commercial uses OLED technology is used in commercial applications such as small screens for mobile phones and portable digital audio players (MP3 players), car radios, digital cameras, and high-resolution microdisplays for head-mounted displays. Such portable applications favor the high light output of OLEDs for readability in sunlight, and their low power drain. Portable displays are also used intermittently, so the lower lifespan of OLEDs is less important here. Prototypes have been made of flexible and rollable displays which use OLEDs unique characteristics. OLEDs have been used in most Motorola and Samsung colour cell phones, as well as some LG and Sony Ericsson phones, notably the Z610i, and some models of the Walkman.[83] It is also found in the Creative Zen V/V Plus series of MP3 players and iriver U10/clix. Nokia has also introduced recently some OLED products, including the 7900 Prism,the Nokia 8800 Arte, and the Nokia N85 and the Nokia N86 8MP, both of which feature an AMOLED display. Timeline October 1, 2007. Sony become the first company to announce an OLED television for commercial sale. The XEL-1 11 OLED Digital Television sells for $2,499.99 in the United States and Canada. December 2007 July 2008. OLED applications include signs and lighting.[84][85] January 2009. Handheld computer manufacturer OQO introduce the smallest Windows Vista computer with an OLED display.[86] March 2009. Samsung Electronics launch a 2.8 AMOLED capacitive touchscreen phone called the S8300 UltraTOUCH. April 2009. Samsung bring the first phone using an AMOLED display to the United States, the Impression on ATT. The Impression has a 3.2 WQVGA AMOLED. May 2009. Philips Lighting commercialize the first OLED lights, opening a webshop where OLED lighting samples under the brand name Lumiblade can be ordered online.[87] May 2009. Samsung Electronics launch a 3.7 nHD AMOLED capacitive touchscreen phone called the i8910 Omnia HD. June 2009. Samsung Electronics launch a 3.1 WVGA AMOLED resistive touchscreen phone called the S8000 Jet. July 2009. Samsung Electronics launch a 3.7 WVGA AMOLED 3G full-touchscreen phone called the Omnia II i8000 with Samsungs own touchwiz ui version 2.0. August 2009. Sprint Nextel sell phones from Samsung Electronics featuring advanced AMOLED display technology. Company executives claim its technology provides longer battery life and enhanced video and photo images. [88] September 2009. Microsoft launch a 3.3 Sixteenth HD1080 OLED capacitive multi-touch portable media player called the Zune HD. January 5, 2010. Google launch a 3.7 AMOLED smartphone called the Nexus One January 2010. Samsung Electronics launch a 14 prototype notebook featuring up to 40% transparency when turned off. January 2010. Sony display a 24.5 prototype OLED 3D television during the Consumer Electronics Show.[74] Patents Use of OLEDs may be subject to patents held by Eastman Kodak, DuPont, General Electric, Royal Philips Electronics, numerous universities and others.[89][90] Manufacturers Current manufacturers of OLED panels include Anwell Technologies Limited,[91] Chi Mei Corporation,[92] DuPont,[93] GE Global Research,[94] LG,[95] Samsung,[96] and Sony.[97] Samsung SDI Samsung SDI, a subsidiary of Samsung Group, South Koreas largest conglomerate, is the worlds largest OLED manufacturer, producing nearly 50% of the OLED displays made in the world.[98] In October 2008, it unveiled the worlds largest OLED TV at 40-inch with a Full HD resolution of 19201080 pixel. It was the first company in the industry to develop and manufacture AMOLED displays[99] and has the worlds largest market share in both Passive Matrix OLEDs (PMOLED) and Active Matrix OLEDs (AMOLED).[100] The company is leading the world OLED industry, generating $100.2 million out of the total $475 million revenues in the global OLED market in 2006.[99] Currently, it holds more than 600 American patents and more than 2800 international patents, making it the largest owner of AMOLED technology patents.[99] As of April 2009, Samsung has released one phone using the AMOLED display in the United States, the Impression for ATT. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organic_LED

Deviant Behavior Essay -- Sociology Sociological Psychology Essays

Deviant Behavior Deviant behavior refers to behavior that does not conform to norms, does not meet the expectations of a group of a society as a whole. After birth, children begin to experience situations with others. They are taught what he or she should and should not do, what is good or bad and what is right or wrong. Learning habits that conform to the customs and traditions of the groups into which the child is born develops a system of values. These values provide justification and motivation or for wanting to refrain from behavior that is disapproved. After reading this, one can see how a behavior is considered deviant, but the question is, â€Å"Why is a certain type of behavior considered deviant?† This paper will take a particular deviant behavior, which is illicit drug use, and examine why this type of behavior is labeled as deviant. By using theoretical approaches, this paper will provide the reader an explanation of why illicit drug use occurs in the first place. Throughout history, all human societies have used drugs, but it hasn’t been until recently considered deviant behavior. Drug use was seen only as a personal problem, but today’s societies, in general, condemns drug use. There are many reasons for this perception of drug use in our society today. It’s stated that â€Å"since a social process creates standards for deviance, consumption of a particular drug becomes deviant only when individuals and groups define it a such† (Clinard and Meier, 2001). This is seen in new laws and legislation against drug use, making drug use, seen by society, as wrong and criminal. This causes public opinion to look at drug use as deviant because the norms of society have been changed. These new laws were passed by legislation because of the common myth that drug use is the cause of bigger problems of society. Society is given the belief that drug users posses certain characteristics which include â€Å"low self-esteem, social incompetence, inadequate identity, easily influenced by peers, and irresponsible or mindless† (Moore and Saunders, 1999). This tells society that only troubled people use drugs. This common belief holds that people using drugs necessarily have personal problems and lack social skills, which then in turn, threatens personal health and morality to societies well being. Also, medically, reference to elicit drug use is considered drug abuse. T... ...s of drug use as very negative because mostly of the formal sanctions powered by the legislature. The media portrays the stereotypes of the type of people who use drugs and this only helps fuel societies approach in dealing with illicit drug use. Society in general needs to refrain from looking at drug use as negative, but look at it as a norm for human beings. Until drug use is seen as a norm, the media and politician will still see that all drug use is a problem, and considered it deviant. Study that would help this issue would be if drug use has any positive benefits that people who abstain from drugs do not receive. Works Cited: 1. Akens, Ronald. 1998. Social Learning and Social Structure: A General Theory of Crime and Deviance. Boston: Northeastern University Press. 2. Becker, Howard. 1963. Outsiders: Studies in Sociology of Deviance. New York: The Free Press. 3. Clinad, Marshall and Meier. 2001. Sociology of Deviant Behavior. Orlanda: Harcourt College Publishers. 4. Goode, Jack. 1994. A Theory about Control. Boulder: Westview Press. 5. Moore, David and saunders, Bill. 2001. â€Å"Youth Drug Use and the Prevention of Problems.† Journal of Drug Issues 13:219-235.

The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 13. Knowledge

I weaved my way down my driveway while imagining all the ways I could bring myself closer to Bella. Just to lightly touch her hair, to hold her close to me like I did so carelessly after the accident, or to bring her warm lips to mine†¦I trailed off in thought as the fantasy went visual. Enough, I ordered, though I was aching to feel the warmth of her rich skin. Enough. When I reached the end of the drive I knew what to expect, though, the insults that continued at maximum capacity fissured my nerves. Idiot! Jackass! Lunatic! I really hope you are happy! If I have to move again†¦, Rosalie was seething belligerence. The vivid image she thrust on my mind was my Vanquish being catastrophically driven off a ravine. I sighed and shook my head trying to dispel her thoughts, but after living with her for this long I'd learned to hum a tune or ignore her internal muttering, even when she was screaming at the top of her mental lungs and making the visual pictures more devastating. After watching all of the possible ways she would crash my car over and over in her head I realized that it didn't matter. It was Bella who was ultimately significant now. Her silent thoughts ?C how warm and trusting she is. Ah, I thought gleefully. My mental distraction worked perfectly. I sat in the car, my fingers still wrapped tightly on the steering wheel as I thought about going back. I inhaled deeply at her scent that was still lingering in the car. White hot knives cut down my throat, but I embraced it, content that I was satiated for the moment. A thought disrupted my internal blitheness. Boy, do you have some explaining to do. â€Å"Emmett,† I muttered, though I was grateful he had forgiven me of my actions so quickly. His low chuckle came from inside the house as he over took Jasper's knight in a game of chess. I had to deal with this now. I couldn't go see her until my family was resolved, though, honestly, I should never go back. Her life would be the better for it ?C she would have a life to live. Carlisle's car was parked next to Rosalie's M3. I sighed in relief. If he was here, then maybe Rosalie would be on her best behavior. More thoughts filled my mind bringing me back to the present. It was time to confront my family about the secrets that Bella logically pieced together. I finally persuaded myself into going inside to speak with Carlisle. Alice's thoughts interrupted my anxiety filled mind. I hope you've reconsidered your plans for the weekend. I love her, too. Her internal cry was a lament. I twitched slightly under the impact of the earlier vision. I tried to expunge her thoughts from my mind as my stomach began to twist in pain. Absurd ?C it was a lie, impossible. I would never hurt Bella†¦would I? Bella†¦in my arms†¦cold, white, dead†¦ The thoughts were inconceivable. Alice was blind or confused somehow, the vision insurmountable. The pain swiftly took me under – it felt like my body was burning from the inside out, almost as if the pain of her death would literally make me combust. I gave Alice a grave look. â€Å"You're wrong.† My tone was hollow. Please, Edward! Alice begged. I could feel every degree of love she had for her. She doesn't even know her ?C her love was nonexistent compared to mine. I sighed. But doesn't everyone have that reaction to her? Hadn't I? Didn't I risk everything just to save her life so I could observe her; watch her sleep at night? My need to speak with Carlisle was growing at an immense rate. He would have answers. He always knew what to do. I marched past Alice where she was sitting on the stairs, her face rested on her hands, her lower lip jutting out slightly from her upper. I ignored her pouting, knowing it was because of her vision that was bringing her into this trepidation. And her vision was wrong. I clenched my teeth together as I spoke, making my words almost incoherent â€Å"I'm strong.† I'm brave enough, I tried to convince myself. â€Å"I won't hurt her, Alice. Your vision is impossible!† I'm begging you, she continued to plead. Her anguish was beginning to weigh on me. I shoved her mental insight from me viciously. How could I possibly bring death to her? I wanted ?C no ?C I needed Bella. The necessity to hold her, my hunger†¦my thirst for her was exponentially growing at a sizable intensity. But, it wasn't my thirst that I was craving the most; I desired for her, longed for the face, the voice, that accompanied the fragrance. I moved swiftly up the stairs so quick, in fact, a normal human wouldn't have seen me. Slowly opening the door to my potential sentencing I entered Carlisle's office. His face was so close to the book he was reading that his nose was nearly touching the pages. Association between PPI's and spontaneous bacterial peritonitis†¦His eyes moved up the page until they left the book flowing upward towards my face which was perfectly mirrored in his eyes. Guilt was resolutely displayed across my face. I looked away. Esme, joyfully flitting around the room, was re-organizing the bookshelves in effort to make room for new books Carlisle had just purchased. She caught my glance when I entered the room. Edward!She beamed. She didn't consciously think her name but to some extent of reasoning her mind was radiating the essence of Bella's presence that always accompanied me. The fond attachment she had formed for Bella, without ever meeting her, brought a hazardous new light upon being with her. If it were up to Esme, Bella would already be transformed into a vampire. My obvious love was enough for her to wish this often, though she would never voice her desires. Each second I grew closer to Bella was another second that was being taken from her life. My thirst. My love for her. Which one was stronger? Would they intermingle and make her a vampire? Risky. My thought was fleeting because I knew that I wouldn't leave her alone and that I wouldn't change her. What was the future, her fate? The internal struggle of her inevitable future began nagging at me almost as bad as Rosalie thought's that were now blaring in my head. This wasn't something I could run from. Maybe Carlisle would have the answer. The strong desire for advice wasn't approaching quick enough. I was growing impatient at all the courtesies. Hello Edward. His mental tone showed no inflection that he knew of Bella's knowledge. Good; Rosalie kept her trap shut, another surprise on top of the already growing pile of shocking news that I seemed to be attracting. Would this news, this information, prove my malefaction? Now that I was standing here, ready to concede my guilt to him, I didn't know what to say, speech wouldn't form. How do you tell someone you deeply care for, more than that, your creator†¦your father that you betrayed their family ?C my family ?C for a mere human girl? But to me she wasn't just ahuman girl – she was thehuman girl, the only one that ever truly mattered. Carlisle read my expression, his thoughts scattering in every direction, dancing in his mind before he settled on being alarmed at my facial expression. My calm fa?ade must have faded. What is it Edward? What is wrong? Is Bella†¦his thoughts trailed off, but I knew the direction they were heading. Luckily, his concern for that subject was unnecessary. For now. â€Å"Carlisle, I†¦she†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I hesitated, pausing. I didn't know how to tell my family, those who loved me the most, that I was Judas made flesh. A betrayer. Carlisle raised an eyebrow at my state of irresolution. â€Å"Edward? Is everything all right?† he asked incredulously, bringing attention to our conversation. Esme turned at his words, bringing her thoughts and concentration to the open dialog. Ignoring their stares I continued to sway on the spot, standing there with my mouth halfway open like a gold fish out of water gasping for air. The words failed me. Would this, of all things, break their faith in me? No one had so absolutely guessed our secret before, learned our truths. If my heart was alive, beating, I swear even a human would be able to hear it. There was only venom in my veins ?C the one thing that would inevitably bring Bella to her death. Death. No, this couldn't be the end. Her knowledge wouldn't condemn her, I refused. Would this be Carlisle's conclusion, just like it had been for the rest of the family? I would fight against them, if this is what they decided. â€Å"Edward?† Esme prodded. I had to tell them what she knew; no doubt Rosalie will make sure they were aware if I didn't confess this soon. It's better if they hear it from me, but still, the words wouldn't escape my lips. How do you confess a betrayal? It's much more difficult than I thought it would be. Feeling guilty, Edward? Rosalie sneered mentally. What a surprise! I can't believe you. Once again I had to shove Rosalie's thoughts from my mind. The barrier was harder to put into place when my concentration was being pulled in so many directions. Besides the aggressively hostile nature of Rosalie, everyone else was silent, the dead air making it evident that everyone was eavesdropping at this ultimate of pivotal moments, surely waiting to hear my betrayal, or ultimately deciding her fate for me. None of them dared to think it. Not now. Not after I had already fought so hard to keep her alive. I inhaled a generous gulp of air. Esme's anxious look continued to grow deeper. What is it? Please tell us, she thought tentatively. Only a brief second had passed before I finally bowed my head downward as if I were admitting a great shame and delivered the words I was terrified would hurt my family. Judas had nothing on me. I sunk into the nearest chair. â€Å"Bella†¦well, she†¦she knows, Carlisle.† I had never struggled with words like I did when Bella was involved. His eyes grew wide, his thoughts in an uproar of intense confusion and concern. Bella knows? About us? She knows about us? †¦ â€Å"Edward, what is going on? Is everything okay? Should I be worried?† Carlisle's thoughts spilled from his mouth like a stream of water, so rapid I didn't have time to respond to one of them. At the same time I brought my glance to his and he focused on my blameworthy expression. He observed my look and then reassured himself that I hadn't done something foolish. Boy was he wrong. This all happened in a tenth of a second. My mind still hadn't fully comprehended all his thoughts. Of course I shouldn't be worried, everything will be fine. Okay. Now, â€Å"what exactly does Bella know?† he asked, zealous. I ignored his enthusiasm at the prospect of Bella knowing our secret. Was it an act? Surely my words would cut deeper in a minute. He hadn't really had time to settle on the thought. â€Å"She knows everything about me!† About us, I amended internally. â€Å"She put the pieces together and I just†¦I couldn't keep lying to her.† I figured the truth would be better than lies right now. Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't tell her himself. Carlisle contemplated mentally. The way she has changed him†¦I can't describe it. She would be his perfect pairing. Why not change her? he murmured in thought. Excellent, Esme beamed. Was she excited about this news too? Was this not the huge betrayal I thought it would be? â€Å"She is the best thing that has ever happened to you, Edward.† Carlisle cut into my thoughts. â€Å"I'm so glad she knows,† he whispered softly to me. â€Å"It was to be expected. But now, maybe it's time to move to the next step.† My head snapped up. Esme nodded in agreement. â€Å"Next step?† I shouted. â€Å"Move to the next step?† Was this the conclusion? An immortal life? I couldn't be responsible for such a brutal act. It felt like a brick was sliding down my throat into the pit of my stomach. â€Å"You want me to what†¦ask her to die?† I shot up like a bottle rocket. â€Å"Ask her if she wished to be doomed to go to hell? Are you insane?† The thought of her burning with the fiery thirst day by day or the first initial three days of begging for death as her veins burned with venom ?C my venom ?C nearly sent me over the edge. I was hoping beyond hope that this would not come to some sort of vote like what nearly happened after I saved her from the van. To make her into the appalling creature that I am or bring on her early death†¦no, there is another option. There has to be. I looked to Carlisle. If anyone's opinion mattered it would be his. He froze for just a fraction of a second and then sighed heavily. I studied him for a few seconds, apprehension etched into my face, easily reflected in his golden eyes. Also, I could see my face from two viewpoints perfectly. There it was, my pain jerking down the corners of my lips. â€Å"I can't imagine hurting her, bringing her to her death.† â€Å"If it's a matter of self control†¦I can offer my services,† Carlisle proposed. â€Å"A vampire, forever frozen at seventeen†¦forever doomed to our existence.† Carlisle flinched at my words. â€Å"I just can't†¦you can't! How can either of you possibly think her knowledge of our existence a good thing when this is the conclusion?† I shouted. There were a few murmured agreements throughout the house. Jasper was quiet but thought the next step or death should be the only options. But, after Alice's request he seemed to try his best to keep his thoughts to himself. â€Å"Who is to say she couldn't live out her mortal life?† I paused, chagrin obvious in my tone. â€Å"I haven't killed her.† But I could. So easily. But you haven't killed her, you even saved her life, I thought to myself, the little devil sitting on my shoulder. Not yet, I amended. The guilt was plainly splayed across my face. Couldn't Carlisle tell I was scarcely clutching onto my humanity – just barely by my fingertips when I was around the sweet seduction of Bella's blood and her enticing pulse? Each second around her was like crawling through the desert and happening upon water that was poisonous. So seductive. If being human is what you wish for her and you feel that you can't offer this†¦then maybe this is the time to leave. Carlisle offered as a choice. He saw me flinch and changed tact. I just don't want you to make a mistake by denying yourself your true mate by keeping her human. He spoke silently to me.†If you wish to keep her human, then that is your decision. We will not demand her death, or her transformation.† Carlisle added, trying to calm my frenzied nerves. At the same time he was letting everyone in the house know this was his final word. And they are to abide by it. No deaths, no transformations. The end. â€Å"You have amazing self control. I believe that you will make the right decision.† Shock. Yes, that was the emotion I was feeling; stunned, surprised, astonished†¦I looked up and stared at him incredulously. Even if I did decide to change her, I wouldn't have the strength to stop myself from drinking her dry. Just thinking about the luscious taste on my lips sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine. How could he possibly believe that this whole situation is a good idea? Dread flowed through my frozen veins as the thought of hurting the delicate flower of a girl, Bella, entered my mind. I tried to expunge the images that Alice had embossed into my brain, for they seemed to be coming to the surface at this conversation. I wasn't the only one surprised and outraged by his responses to it all, how easily Carlisle just accepted this bit of news like he knew it was going to happen all along. Rosalie, working on her car, had thrown a wrench down and walked away, muttering choice swear words under her breath. Jasper coughed – something a vampire would never need to do – while breaking part of the chess piece he was holding. He knew of the danger this could possibly cause us all. Then there were those two thoughts that were unsurprised, actually elated. Alice, for obvious reasons, predicted this future. She loved Bella, human or vampire. Esme, who didn't care if Bella had four fingers and crossed eyes, was smiling at me. Her thoughts were content, pleased at this news, even though a sturdier Bella, in her mind, would be the better choice. There was only one neutral thought. â€Å"Next time we'll use your chess set,† Emmett muttered to Jasper. Though, I knew if it came to sides, he would choose Rosalie's. Before I responded to Carlisle's words Esme's thoughts protruded into my head. I wonder when I can meet her. I turned and gave Esme a withering look. â€Å"Why are you guys doing this to me?† Derision was obvious in my voice. â€Å"If I stay with her†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I needed to leave her alone. She needs to live a mortal life, one that I can not offer her. â€Å"I could kill her.† My face screwed up in pain at the word kill. It's been months, Edward. She's still alive. You can do this, I have faith in you, Carlisle thought. My hands were trembling slightly as fear pulsed through me. Faith, I scoffed. Esme approached me swiftly and embraced me, all fear flooded from my body at her gentle touch. Carlisle approached me and Esme let go as he placed his hand on my shoulder and thought sympathetically; everything will be all right, son. It was silent for a minute, as everyone let the news sink in. â€Å"So, what did you tell Bella?† Carlisle asked, intrigued now. Our previous conversation was now in the distant past. Everything I was doing seemed so human lately. I sank lower into the chair as if it were my only support after being deflated. â€Å"I didn't tell her, Carlisle, she guessed. She guessed everything, even my little talent of reading minds!† Carlisle's thoughts were incoherent with surprise; his words spiraled together and were muddled so I continued. â€Å"I only filled in the blanks, which were not many. She is much more perceptive than I realized†¦Ã¢â‚¬  My voice trailed off and I slumped even lower into the chair. I had made so many mistakes. I then remembered what she had told me about her trip to First Beach. â€Å"Then her little friend Jacob Black†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Before I could get another word out Carlisle already knew exactly what had happen. Jacob†¦Black. Oh! â€Å"The Quileute's?† I nodded. Oh†¦ I see. He chuckled.†I never thought it would be their side to break the treaty! Oh, of course, I know it couldn't have been meant like that, surely he doesn't think the stories are true.† he shook is head. This house became silent, not a word or thought formed for several spiraling seconds. When the curtain of silent thoughts became louder then thoughts themselves, I finally looked up to try to interpret Carlisle's face since his mind had become nothing more than a bewildered mental humming. The astonishment on his alabaster face was humorous. Before I could make my mouth move to ask the question I seemed to be asking more and more lately, what are you thinking, Carlisle began to chuckle at full volume. He was truly taken aback, but this news hadn't bothered him at all. His mind was stunned into silence as flashes of Bella went through – all from that almost tragic day with the van. I couldn't take the ever-growing silence emanating off the walls. â€Å"What?† I asked with irritation. Carlisle shot Esme a look. Go on,Esme thought while nodding to Carlisle to continue, as if he could read her thoughts. He finally spoke. â€Å"How did she react?† â€Å"She said, ‘it doesn't matter' what I am,† my teeth gritted at the memory, and then my expression softened when I remembered the tears that welled up in her eyes at my reaction. Another mistake. â€Å"She won't tell anyone?† he asked. â€Å"No. I trust her.† At my look, he accepted my answer without a doubt. â€Å"Edward, this cannot be a coincidence. There is a real change happening here.† Carlisle chuckled once more. Esme put her arm around Carlisle and a large grin gradually spread across her face. My parents were†¦ happy, excessively, even. I hadn't predicted the conversation going in this direction at all. I was given the impression that everything was happening very fast. The monster in me began backing into the darkest corners of my mind, gradually dissipating as I was becoming more and more human the more familiar I became with Bella. What should I do? I know what I should do; it was a matter of what I was going to do.I knew what the answer should be. I need to leave her alone. Even if I can cage the monster for the time, it is not likely I can keep him caged forever. Yes, I have my family for support, but that won't stop me from accidently hurting her. I had to leave, as Carlisle suggested. I placed my hand over my eyes and slouched even deeper in the chair. If I sunk down any lower I'd fall right off of it. Then thought of her deep chocolate brown eyes looking at me with tears as I said goodbye made my un-beating heart ache. The memory of her tear stained face flashed across my mind. Would she cry? If I left, would she even care? She shouldn't. I sighed. She really does embrace danger, or maybe the right word was Entice. I thought about Alice's vision. I pinched the bridge of my nose at the recollection. The more I thought about it the harder it was for me to imagine being alone with her without breaking or damaging her. Why did Alice put these thoughts in my head? I don't want to hurt Bella, but I don't know how much more I could take! Being in Bella's presence with the aroma, her warmth†¦so brave and trusting†¦ not touching her was going to become a problem. Her skin – so soft†¦electric. I started imaging her warm and cradled comfortably in my arms – lightly touching her face and pulling my hands through her hair. Before I could get too deep into that daydream I had to make a decision and fast. Regardless of what my decision should be, I was a selfish creature and refused to go. Leaving the girl isn't an option, I decided. She was a danger to herself and she needed me to protect her, I lied effortlessly. I shook my head as I ultimately determined I was still going to take her to the meadow. I will give her the chance to see me for who I am, I promised myself. Maybe she would finally learn how dangerous I am and run away screaming. I won't kill her, though. I love her. I tried to convince myself that love was enough. The love I felt for her was so exquisite it was nearly pain because I knew there were only two options left for her now. No, those won't be her only options. I will make this work. Three options. She could grow old and live out her life, but with me in tow. Only a few seconds had passed during my reprieve. Carlisle and Esme looked fixedly at me. Their confidence in me was overwhelming. They honestly believed in me, trusted that I wouldn't hurt her. Maybe Judas did have the corner on the betrayal market. As I saw the conviction in their faces, something deep inside of me settled. I stood up, surveyed their loving faces and the inner workings of my brain and my non-beating heart finally accepted her fate. Option three. She will live, I'll look after her and she will live, I determined. As long as I was around, no one would ever harm her because I would break them limb from limb if they even attempted, or even if they possibly thought it. Her vampire protector. Forever. â€Å"It seems I can't stay away from her.† I grimaced, but deep inside I was glowing. I don't want him to stay away from her; he's been a different person since she came into his life,Esme thought cheerfully. Carlisle grinned, his thoughts in sync with Esme. I sighed, but the sound wasn't as pained as before. It was almost†¦joyous. Striding swiftly from the room I realized it was no longer silent in the house. I could hear faint mutterings from Rosalie. Instantly I shoved her constant jeering from my mind. Deep down, Rosalie's problem with Bella really was pure jealousy. She hated that Bella was human because she wanted to be human. But I thought her warm, trusting humanness was Bella's best quality. Edward!Alice bellowed from her head while skipping up the stairs towards me. The cloudy, blurry vision from earlier today was instantly clear. No longer did she see Bella's lifeless form lying in the bracken of the forest floor. My eyes no longer glowed that ominous red. When she reached me at the top of the stairs she grinned widely while practically jumping on me to wrap her tiny arms around my neck. â€Å"Thank you, Edward!† Alice was jubilant. I nodded and returned her hug, releasing her quickly because I was on a mission. Have fun at Bella's. I suppose you won't tell her hi for me, will you? For the first time since I entered the house this afternoon, my lips twitched up into a smile, completely opposite from my previous grimace. My stomach was doing back flips at the thought of being with her again. I couldn't stand being away from her any longer. I dashed through the forest towards her house as if someone was lighting a fire beneath my feet. As I took off I heard faded thoughts from Alice. I wonder what happened to change the vision? I hope Edward starts letting me hang out with her. Just two more days†¦She was counting down. Then I saw images of her dressing a blushing Bella up and playing with her hair like she was a doll. I rolled my eyes, but instantly craved for this to come true. I was sitting in the rocking chair in Bella's room. Her warm delicious scent was swirling around me and I was sucking it slowly into my lungs with each breath. I was willing myself to stay away from her. A feat much harder than one would realize. Tonight, she was not sleeping soundly. I watched as she tangled herself into the blankets early on in the evening. I stood. Realizing I was unable to help her, I sat. The chair was my prison, holding me in my seat. She was the dessert across the table from a kid who had to eat broccoli. The temptation would never go away, yet each second I grew stronger against my will to rush over and hold her. I couldn't allow myself to do something so foolish. It was about her now. What she wants, what she needs. I had to toss my selfishness away as best I could, even though my presence was selfish enough. She tossed again. I got up once more, my hands reaching out like I could help. My touch was too cold†¦wrong. I seated myself back into my prison. I sighed. With the quick intake of air the burning persisted in my dry throat. Each breath brought me pleasure and torture. Mainly torture, though her scent reminded me of how alive she is. â€Å"Edward†¦Ã¢â‚¬  she mumbled in her sleep. This was not the first time this evening that she murmured my name in her sweet magical voice. Each sound or movement was watched by me as she continued to tangle herself in the sheets. I couldn't help but worry that she wasn't having a good dream. I was a monster after all. She woke a few times in the night, startled from her dream ?C or nightmare ?C but I was stealthy enough to hide. She never caught me but I wondered what she would think if she did. Would she finally scream? Would she shriek at the sight of the peeping tom that I had become? Would she turn her deep gaze towards me and beg me to leave and never come back?Anguish fell over me at the thought. This must be why I continued to hide every time I saw her eyes flutter. She tossed again, holding her pillow tightly while a small sigh escaped her lips. â€Å"Edward†¦mmmmm.† Once again my heart leapt at the sound of my name on her breath. As the night progressed she settled into a deeper sleep, finally calm and unmoving. In the earlier hours of the morning I saw her shudder and watched as goose bumps arose on her skin. Without thought I was standing, walking over to her, leaning down, hand out stretched before my mind finally caught up with my actions. Indecision was deep in my thoughts. Another breath. More fiery thirst. I wasn't sure if it was the monster or my protective side, but without thinking I reached out to unravel her blanket to cover her. As I slowly moved the blanket over her I accidently touched her arm. Or was it an accident? It was if a million little electrodes sent pleasant shocks down my spine. I closed me eyes to take in her aroma. She was soft†¦warm. I quickly held my breath but realized that if I were going to stay with her that I had to overcome my thirst, my ever growing desire to crush her to my body and dig my teeth deep into her neck. Another breath. My mouth was instantly full of venom. The monster inside of me was clawing at my chest bones, trying to break free of my body and drink the most delicious blood that ever existed. I grabbed at my chest trying to push the monster back in when suddenly I felt something vibrate. It was my phone. Alice. I swallowed the pool of venom pouring into my mouth. Leaping out of her window I answered the phone. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could say hello Alice began pleading in her bell voice. â€Å"Edward! Please!† My hand automatically met the bridge of my nose. She was my favorite and the most irritating of my family. She continued without pause. â€Å"I keep getting flashes of you killing Bella! If you kill her I will be very upset. I haven't even had the opportunity to talk to her,† her voice was petulant. I gritted my teeth and breathed in the light morning air around me. The fresh air cleared my head making the monster retreat. How had I let things get out of hand? Why did I have to put my hand in the cookie jar? â€Å"Alice,† I breathed. She interjected. â€Å"Please, just be careful, Edward! Your future has been changing erratically†¦I never know what is going to happen with you anymore.† I could almost hear her pout. I sighed because she was right. The easy flow of my future had taken a wild spin and even I couldn't tell her what my plans were from day to day anymore. â€Å"I won't hurt her, Alice,† I said with chagrin. â€Å"You better not!† It was a command. â€Å"I'll see you soon.† She hung up the phone. I groaned. Was I really that close? I didn't think I was. Looking back up at her window I decided it was okay for me to check on her ?C just one more time ?C tonight. Her small chest was moving up and down evenly along with her steady breath. She was still sound asleep. Safe. Her protector kept her free from danger. But didn't protect her from himself, I growled internally. I was going to have to work on that. The light of a new day began to peak over the tops of the trees, sending blue tints across the grey clouds that accompanied the sky. My mind was racing around with what this new day would bring me as I was soaring through the forest at a ferocious velocity back towards home. The questions I would ask her†¦the responses I would receive. To just dive in and understand her mind, to know what she was thinking. My thirst instantly became secondary to her knowing mind. My curiosity was aching like a thirst. Thirst, I thought warily. I needed to hunt. I needed more blood to help dilute the intense sensations that came over when I was around Bella. I'd do it now, while I was out ?C one more time ?C just in case it wasn't true after all, that my ravenous desire to have her was second to her. I closed my eyes, letting my nose take over. Deer, I groaned. Ugh. I still raced towards it and quenched my ever burning throat, letting the warm blood soak into my dry and frozen throat. Gluttonous. That is what I had become. If I shook myself you might even hear the blood slosh around in me. But, there was no blood that would ease this ache†¦this hollow yearning. I pushed the animal off of me with disgust and realized my need for a shower and fresh clothes. When I arrived at home I ran into Rosalie in the garage. Great, I thought. Exactly what I need. â€Å"You know this is going to cause problems, Edward,† she hissed my name. â€Å"Not now, Rosalie.† I growled back. â€Å"You are so self-centered, haven't you thought about what this will do to our family?† she bit back at me. Of course I had thought about it. Wasn't it obvious that it was eating at me, every second of every day? It was only earlier that I admitted my betrayal. She must be bored ?C this argument was getting old. â€Å"Rosalie, go jump off a cliff,† I snapped back at her, not like that would do much to her; maybe ruffle her hair and clothes – that should piss her off. I chuckled at my internal thought. Ignoring her jibes and muttering I continued to walk inside. Everyone else was pointedly ignoring me. It was apparent that they were all acting busy. I saw through the pretense but I was relieved they were leaving me alone. I was swiftly dressed and back at Bella's before Charlie left, parking my car around the block so it would be out of sight. I raced towards her house, hoping to hear something new today. Lurking in the shadows outside her house, the feeling of being a stalker came over me again. Was this how I would forever live my life ?C being a crazy vampire stalker? Catching the tail end of their conversation I reprimanded myself for letting Rosalie distract me, taking away a considerable amount of my time. My stalking time, I laughed mirthlessly at myself. Feeling a little belligerence because I failed to get back before her thoughts were being spoken, I listened with more effort†¦.eavesdropping on their conversation more tentatively. â€Å"I'm not going to the dance, Dad.† I heard the stubbornness in Bella's tone as I imagined her vulnerable face creasing with anger. Her kitten anger. I chuckled. Today seemed to be a mostly silent thought day for Charlie, but the tenor of his mind was still leaking out. Fear raged through him at the possibility that none of the boys liked her at school. What was wrong with his daughter? These thoughts were more pointless than he realized. If only he knew what all the males at school thought about her†¦ Even worse – what she liked: a vampire. â€Å"Didn't anyone ask you?† Charlie asked, concerned. â€Å"It's a girl's choice.† Bella's voice was exultant with smugness. I could almost hear the triumph in her voice as she realized she won this argument. Once again I imagined her face; her chin jutting out, her lips pursing. Another chuckle. Oh, how light my heart felt every second I was around her. â€Å"Oh.† Charlie huffed, disappointed. His thoughts turned a different direction while he contemplated why she didn't like anyone at school. She did like someone though†¦me. My heart leapt, my desires raced, my body ached to hold her. Enough, I ordered. Hadn't I gone too far already today? The clattering of dishes rang out into the yard before Charlie emerged from the house. I watched as he waved, saying goodbye to Bella. I raced towards my car. As soon as Charlie drove off I was in the driveway waiting for her, anxious that one day she will walk out of the house, see me waiting for her and then will deny me her company. It pained me to think like this but I was still not completely sure of her feelings. Her hidden thoughts make things more interesting, I sighed, but they also drive me insane. Bella came out of the house with a slight skip in her step as she turned around to lock the door, leaving the main dead bolt unlocked. I noticed everything about her, even the inconsequential. As I watched her carefully, I almost exited the car to give her a hand, worried she might fall at her pace but she slowed when she saw the silver Volvo waiting for her in the drive. I felt a quick sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Well, I should remain in the car; she obviously was considering her options at this point. More pain, my burning desire feared to be extinguished. She continued her unhurried pace in my direction. What was she thinking? Did she not want to ride with me today? She stopped with her hand on the door, wavering. Aggravation flooded me in waves I'd never felt before, not at Bella, but the fact that I didn't know what she was thinking. I tried to probe her mind once again, and reached a solid and impermeable wall. My light mood quickly faded at my new fear. Her hand reached out to grab the handle. I exhaled heavily at the relief that now flooded me. Finally, she decided to ride with me, I hoped, considering she was now opening the door. Her head ducked under the roof of the car and I greeted her with a smile while I waited for her scent to assault me. She finally sat in the passenger seat and shut the door, sending a hot wave of freesia in my direction. Daggers, white hot knives†¦burning. I took in a large breath, closing my eyes. Her scent did exactly what I expected. The warmth of her body and her pulse emitted the loveliest smell and the scent wrapped around me as it scorched down my throat. I opened my eyes to see the particles of air swirling around me that were now doused with her aroma. My eyes finally met hers. â€Å"Good Morning,† I said after swallowing my thirst. â€Å"How are you today?† How was she? What were her dreams about? Did she miss me? There were countless quantities of things I wanted to inquire about. My questions distracted me from my thirst more than anything else. I suppressed a sigh. â€Å"Good, thank you,† she smiled. Smiling, that was good. I surveyed her face and could tell she didn't sleep well because she had large circles under her eyes. And I stayed in her room all night as she tossed in her sleep, I added mentally. No need to inform her of my nightly visits, though. Once again I became frustrated because I couldn't hear her knowing mind. What kept her up at night? What made her toss and turn and say my name? It never appeared like she was having a nightmare, or maybe I was just trying to convince myself of this. What else could possibly be making her so restless if not scary monsters that actually exist?Maybe I was just fooling myself. â€Å"You look tired,† I pointed out to continue her talking. I took in another breath and was instantly intoxicated by her scent. My mouth watered, I was nearly salivating. No mistakes, I ordered. â€Å"I couldn't sleep.† She looked like she was confessing to something and then hid behind her curtain of hair. Keep it light. â€Å"Neither could I,† I teased as I turned the key to start the engine. She laughed and the sound was harmonious. â€Å"I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did.† â€Å"I wager you did,† I returned her smile; relieved the conversation was going so well. Another ?C deeper ?C breath soared down my throat this time and I bit down hard on my cheek. The tantalizing smell was luxurious, painfully pleasurable†¦a rich profusion, opulent. The elaborate mix of her enticing scent was the only thing I ever wanted to breathe in, though, at the same time I craved the fresh air outside†¦just to clear my mind. I could literally stick my tongue out and taste her on the air; it was so saturated with her aroma. Oh, who cares about the pain, she was here with me and that was all I wanted, I told myself. No mistakes! I took in a few more gulps of air while the monster clawed angrily at my throat. He was so close to the edge that I was using all my concentration now to fight him back. â€Å"So what did you do last night?† she asked, intrigued. She instantly scared the monster back into the darkness with just the sound of her voice. She's clever†¦but not clever enough, it was my turn to ask the questions ?C as I had made clear the day before. There were so many questions that were left unanswered and I had to know. A smile broke across my face and I chuckled. â€Å"Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions,† I said enthusiastically. â€Å"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?† her forehead creased. What was going on in her mind? She looked worried and I almost reached out to press my finger in between her eyebrows to smooth out the worry lines. Keep it simple, light. â€Å"What's your favorite color?† That was simple enough. She rolled her eyes. Maybe too simple. â€Å"It changes from day to day,† she smiled. I knew I was going to have to drag everything out of her, no surprise there. â€Å"What's your favorite color today?† I asked gruffly. â€Å"Probably brown,† she said, looking down at her brown shirt. Really? I had to stop myself from snorting and instantly dropped my serious gaze, the pretense no longer needed. â€Å"Brown?† I asked skeptically. â€Å"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown ?C tree trunks, rocks, dirt ?C is all covered up with squashy green stuff here,† she complained. At her answer, I was able to add another thing to my list: she was self-effacing. She wasn't easily led by other people, choosing her color because of what she liked, not what the populace agreed upon. Suddenly I remembered her muttering, â€Å"It's too green,† when she was sleeping one evening and tried not to chuckle aloud. â€Å"You're right,† I decided, excitement racing through me at all the thoughts I would unlock today. Even learning this little thing about her made me reel with glee. Okay, back to business. I was abruptly serious again. â€Å"Brown is warm.† Brown was in fact one of my favorite colors, too. I don't know why it took me so long to become aware of this; her deep brown eyes and long brown hair. I hesitated for an instant, not wanting to spoil the moment, but feelings I had never felt before I met Bella were surfacing. My hand twitched, wanting to reach over and pull her hair from her face, so I could see the beauty that lied beneath. To just lift her chin slightly, turning it in my direction so I could try to read the deep depths of her eyes†¦ Enough. It would be wrong for me to do it, to place her warm face in my cold hands. The warmth. If I just slightly raised her chin, I could meet her half way†¦place my lips to hers. Enough, I ordered again, but it was too late. My hand was out stretched, reaching towards her as I pulled her hair behind her shoulder, gently. Some of the lose strands spilled over my hand. Enough! I dropped my hand instantly. No mistakes! I could feel the warmth coming off of her skin, her fragrance was enveloping, and her hair was soft like silk. My urge to press my cold hard lips to her delicate soft ones had not evaded me. Stop there, I scolded myself. No more errors. You mustn't be so selfish, I reprimanded. We pulled into the school parking lot but this didn't mean that my questioning was over†¦that my desires were gone. Keep it light, I reminded myself. â€Å"What music is in your CD player right now?† I asked. She thought for a moment, her eyes un-focusing, looking up. â€Å"Linkin Park.† Her eyes met mine again. Hum, interesting choice. I reached into a compartment under my CD player and after rummaging through the debris I pulled out the same exact CD. â€Å"Debussy to this?† I raised an eyebrow. She just grinned at me. It was infectious. I returned her smile. It was time for school to start and we had to part ways. Luckily I could locate her no matter where she was, jumping from mind to mind. I was listing questions to ask her while I waited for the hours away from her to pass. Purgatory had now become a small slice of heaven. Watching her interact with other humans only added more questions to my ever growing list. I wanted to know everything about her. Was her responses what she was really thinking or was she replying with what they wanted to hear? My list grew. I made sure to meet up with her in between every class and stroll along side her while she talked; absorbing the information like a snake soaks up the heat from the sun. During our short walks I was able to unleash some of the questions from my ever growing list. Her every expression, body language, and replies were all-encompassing and intriguing. I was gradually learning each of her little quirks and thoughts. As I continued to unlock the mystery that was Isabella Swan, I learned something new. She wasn't just good; she was virtuous†¦above me. I looked at the crowd in the hallway. Above them all. The day when I could question her nonstop had finally arrived and I was entirely full of a bright glowing light. As each moment passed I was deeply afraid she would realize I was below her, insignificant compared to her greatness. She still ate with me at lunch, or she ate, I questioned. Sometimes, I got so excited with the information being spilled from her that I began spitting out the questions so fast that she was almost breathless trying to respond to them all. It was hard to control myself. It was like someone switched on the computer and I was accessing her hard drive, absorbing the knowledge of her mind that she kept locked up nice and secure. Then, something miraculous happened. Or, by my standards it was miraculous. Because who could possibly like a vampire? During our questioning I asked her what her favorite gemstone was and she blurted out topaz immediately and then her skin turned an appetizing color of red. Automatically, I breathed in a gluttonous amount of air and sighed. Why was she blushing? I begged her to enlighten me as to why she was embarrassed by her answer. â€Å"Tell me,† I begged. â€Å"It's the color of your eyes today,† she sighed and I watched her look down while the blush on her cheeks became a brilliant red again. She loved me, too. Like I said ?C a miracle. Another thing to add to my list: she was passionate. Joy rushed me; almost flipping me over my seat at the feelings of deep affection that warmed me, almost making me feel human. Almost. I suddenly thanked whatever force brought her to me. And then, surprising me even more, she elaborated on her answer. â€Å"I suppose if you ask me in two weeks I'd say onyx.† Her face turned even a darker shade of pink. I ignored the thirst, easily wiping it away like a bug on my windshield. Was she finally opening up? I could feel the spring in my step, the instant craving to bound over the table and bring her into my arms†¦to kiss her warm lips. She gave me a face like she was bracing for something. Was she waiting for the fury that radiated off of me when I realized how engrossed she was with a vampire and the fact that she just didn't care? I'd forever hate myself for my poor reactions in Port Angeles†¦for making her cry. When the lunch break was over we walked to Biology class. I wanted to reach out and seize her hand†¦her warm ?C inviting ?C hand looked very welcoming to my own. She was next to me but I was feeling detached, like our fingers should forever be interlocked. Stop it, I thought. No mistakes. And holding her would be a mistake. We would be continuing the movie in Biology class today which I wasn't thrilled about. Yesterday the electricity in the room was encompassing us. I wasn't sure I would be able to not touch her while she sat so close to me in the dark room where the electricity flowed freely between us. Each little zing practically making me automatically reach out towards her. We took our seats beside each other and I knew the warm room would soon fill with Bella's scent. The heater turned on and I was waiting to embrace it, to bring it deeper into my lungs so I could revel in the delicious scent, let it intoxicate me. I've never been drunk, but if I had to guess, I'd say her scent made me quite tipsy. Every moment that passed by when I was with Bella was the most painful and pleasant. Though the fire I felt in my throat didn't dissipate, her aroma was something I continued to embrace. Over time her scent had become less over powering which helped the monster stay securely caged in my chest. Or maybe being around her all the time helped? Had my constant presence in her life helped to make the thirst dissipate? Each moment, the thirst was becoming more manageable with my familiarity with her scent. The lights dimmed for the movie and I moved my chair a little farther away from hers this time. I saw her eye my movement with sadness, but it was better if I don't entice my senses too much, even though the space didn't matter much to these new feelings I had. The need to reach out and hold her hand, or maybe put my arm around her was nearly overwhelming. No mistakes, I fought internally. She would probably be repulsed by how cold my skin is. She would feel the hardness of my body and maybe then she would realize the monster I am. Would she be terrified then? No matter how far away I moved from Bella in this warm little room I could sense her and feel the current in the air around us. I watched her as she leaned forward, folding her arms on the desk and resting her chin on them. Not once did I look away from Bella. I watched as she twitched occasionally and wondered what was bothering her. Did she want to touch me too? If she did, it would only make it that much more difficult for me to not give her what she wants ?C to bring her into my arms and hold her securely to my chest like I did the day I saved her from the van. Hah! He moved away from her. Mike sneered in our direction. Guess things aren't going so well in Cullen land after all. This enraged me beyond belief and made it that much more difficult to keep my hands off Bella. I wanted to protect her from his thoughts; I wanted to show him that she was mine. But again, I had to remind myself of what a horrible mistake I was about to make as my arm twitched in her direction. I folded my arms securely across my chest attempting to keep the monster caged and trying to hold my hands at bay. If I were not a vampire, I would have crushed my own bones from crossing my arms so tightly. I was trying to hold back my other desires, now, as they burned and begged for me to just reach over and grab her up into my arms. The fantasy was beginning to spin wildly out of control. Enough! When the movie was over I saw her sit up. She was gripping the desk so hard that I saw her fingers go from white to pink as the blood rushed back into them. I watched as the blood swirled under her clear skin. I was internally struggling, trying not to caress her, hoping she hadn't hurt herself by her deathly grip on the desk. The class was dismissed and I stood up and waited for her to get to her feet. I grabbed her books and walked her to gym. What was she thinking now? The questions burning inside me were not the questions I was going to raise today. Do you love me too? came to mind. I sighed as my curiosity was beginning to burn as hot as the thirst in my throat. As I was walking with her I was fighting the urge to reach out and hold her hand, again. The urge was becoming unbearable. My thirst was now second to my new desires. I was walking at her pace hoping I could convince myself that all of my cravings had to take a backseat to Bella's needs. She is so frail and breakable. The internal conflict was becoming regular. When we finally reached the gym I still hadn't completely made up my mind. I was totally and utterly unsure of my path. When she turned to look at me with her deep communicative eyes any commitment I had crumbled to pieces. She looked so glorious that my arm was raised, hand out, and caressing her face from her temple down to her jaw without my consent. A deep fervor brought new sensations down my spine. A tingling feeling rushed through my veins, entering my heart, expanding it with just the thought of my affection. As soon as I realized what I was doing I dropped my hand, turned around and staggered away. Any semblance of my good nature persona was probably crushed at my rude goodbye. Heck, I didn't even say goodbye. What in the world were you thinking? I thought angrily at myself. She didn't seem to mind though. She might have even leaned a little into my touch, the devilish side of me thought. Wow, her instincts were backwards. Who would want to be touched by something so cold? As I was walking I started peeking into peoples' minds in her gym class. After what happened last time in gym class I had to admit I was slightly anxious that she might injure herself again. To imagine her warmth dissipating nearly crippled me. I wanted to stay out of Mikes mind but he was always paying so much attention to Bella. As much as I hated him, I appreciated him for always paying attention, but loathed him for unlocking some of her secrets before I did. Reaching class I sat next to Emmett. I really hate Cullen, he is such a freak. Mike was thinking in irritation. What does she see in him? He's such a tool. Mike thought scathingly while playing badminton. Well, things did seem a little cool between them in Biology. At his thoughts I almost shot out of my seat in anger. He was mentally picturing fighting with me and winning Bella's affections. Suddenly, the thought of this feeble human trying to fight me was comical and I was trying very hard to suppress laughter. Emmett stared at me as he watched the many expressions flicker across my face. I ignored him because I was busy watching Bella in gym. Mike and Bella didn't speak, and I had to admit it was rather delightful to see him sweat over it. I really didn't like the way he thought about her, or the way he fantasized about being with her. I started to imagine all the ways I could torture him. I smiled at the wistful thought but I needed to banish that idea from my mind quickly before that daydream got too out of control. What is so funny? Emmett was staring at me, smiling. It was clear he wanted to know what was going on by his raised eyebrow, no mind reading necessary. I knew he was having a hard time with my situation with Bella. It wasn't because he cared, it was because of Rosalie. She was being difficult. If anything, he was having an enjoyable time with the situation minus Rosalie. Emmett was learning to love humans because he thought they were so hilarious. I grinned at him and whispered too low for human ears to hear. â€Å"Mike is thinking of fighting me,† I chuckled low. Emmett's eyes grew tight as his smile widened. Now he was trying to stifle a laugh. Emmett always loved a fight, but that one would be too easy. We could just put him in a room with Rosalie. She has been very irritated lately, Emmett couldn't stop from laughing this time. He pictured Rosalie in a room with Mike. In this image, Mike was pathetically trying to fight off a very powerful and pissed off Rosalie. Mike wouldn't stand a chance. I grinned widely at the thought, another chuckle escaping my lips. Ms. Goff looked for the culprit of the laughing and passed over us quickly. Just like the other teachers, they all thought us to be perfect students. Who is interrupting my class? What could possibly be so funny? She thought angrily. I arrived outside the gym before Bella had exited, practically bouncing on the balls of my feet. My desires started flaring up again when she finally walked through the doors and her eyes met mine. A smile crept up her elegant face. She was happy to see me, too. I don't deserve her. I couldn't help but smile back. It was all I could do to not grab her up into my arms and hug her. No mistakes. Especially after the one I made before her gym class. Her scent enveloped me, and the monster reared up, but the desire to hold her over powered the monster and he was pushed into the dark again. Just another stupid bug on my windshield. My body was taking charge without my permission when it came to acquiring what I desired most with Bella. To preoccupy my time I decided to start my questioning again. I drove her to her house while unlocking the mysteries of her mind the whole all way there. I parked in her driveway while our conversation continued. We were so engrossed in our exchange that Bella didn't seem to notice we had stopped. After sitting in the car for quite some time I noticed that she never tried to exit. I was bathing in her aroma and letting the hollow yearn in my stomach and the dry dull ache of my throat remind myself of the monster that I am. I started asking her questions about her past and I became instantly terrified. Did I really want to know what was lurking in her past? Was there another boy? Someone she had to leave behind? Someone who could hold her, embrace her, care for her without having the desire to drink her dry of life? The fear behind this thought nearly crippled me so I decided I would ask her later about previous boys she dated. Skipping over the subject I asked her why she loved Arizona. She explained it to me in great detail, excited to answer this one. The way she talked about the place was almost like she loved it, just like I loved her. She used her hands to describe things. It was like I unlocked her voice box. Her thoughts were finally being freed from her mind. When she was done answering I already had another question in mind. I asked her what her room was like and she began telling me about it in detail. Of course I already knew exactly what it looked like; dotted with shoes, tangles of covers on her bed, closet lacking jumbles of clothes, piles of books and an old computer that at first glance you wouldn't think would work. I couldn't help myself. I had to be near her and asking the inconsequential seemed to be the best way. I felt so alone without her around. When did she become my life? How did she become my life? â€Å"Are you finished?† she asked with relief in her voice when I didn't spit out another query. Finished? â€Å"Not even close ?C your father will be home soon.† It was more of a reminder for me, not for her. She looked out the window quickly like she was wondering where the sun went. â€Å"How late is it?† she asked, a little panic in her voice. She glanced at the clock and surprise crossed her face. â€Å"It's twilight,† I answered. I looked out the windshield and realized another day was over. â€Å"It's the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way†¦ the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?† I grinned at her, trying to remind myself to keep it light. â€Å"I like the night† she announced. â€Å"Without the dark we would never see the stars,† she frowned and looked out the window. â€Å"Not that you see them here much,† she finished sarcastically. Her tone caught me off guard and I laughed. Crap, her father. I heard Charlie a few streets away. â€Å"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him you will be with me Saturday†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I raised an eyebrow teasingly. I wanted her to tell him because it would give me a reason to bring her back. It would keep my new desires in check†¦my thirst, my ever growing need to kidnap her and never bring her home again. â€Å"Thanks but no thanks,† she replied airily. There she went again, embracing danger. She began gathering her books, looking a little uncomfortable. Did I say something wrong? Was it the look on my face?She turned and looked at me. â€Å"So, is it my turn tomorrow, then?† she asked. She still wanted to see me tomorrow! I rejoiced. â€Å"Certainly not!† I said in mock rage. It felt so good to be light and teasing around her. She made my skin sing. â€Å"What more is there?† she said, perplexed. There was everything more. I wanted to know everything about this girl, every detail of her life. â€Å"You'll find out tomorrow.† I teased. I reached across her ?C before thinking about it ?C to open her door. Her warmth washed over me and it took every bit of my brain to concentrate on not leaning over and letting my desires take control. I heard her heart start to beat rapidly. It skipped a few beats and I felt her breath on me. I ached†¦I yearned for her. No mistakes! How much could I take before I did something I regretted? A thought startled me back into reality. I hope Charlie is home. I'm ready to watch the game. It sure has been a while since I've seen him, hope he's not still mad at me. I froze with my hand on the door handle. â€Å"Not good,† I muttered. I clenched my teeth together; it was Billy Black. â€Å"What is it?† She stared at me trying to read my face. Well, I knew I was going to have to let her out of the car eventually, but not while the Blacks were here. I wanted to take her and run. What other kind of stories could they fill her mind with? â€Å"Another complication.† I said glumly. I grabbed the door handle and pushed it open. The air outside blew swiftly into the car and brought her scent with it. I was instantly ravenous and moved quickly away from her, trying to shove the monster back in my chest with the movement. Stay Bella I wanted to beg but she really did need to just leave me alone. I knew I wouldn't let her leave me alone though, not after discovering that she was the most astounding creature I had ever known. I suppressed a sigh as the Blacks headlights flashed across her gorgeous face. â€Å"Charlie's around the corner,† I warned her. She got out at once. Sheets of rain were pelting down on my windshield. Odd, I didn't notice it was raining until she opened the door. I could see her squinting through it towards the Black's car. She must not know who it is. I stared right through the headlights seeing very clearly. I could hear Jacob Blacks thoughts now and he was irritating me immediately. Oh, it's Bella! I wonder if there is something wrong with her truck. I should take a look at it, maybe make something up that would take me a long time to fix so I could spend more time with her. Man, she is so pretty. I wonder what she thinks of me†¦Who is that? He stared in my direction but he didn't recognize me. I had to get out of there. I squealed my tires and drove away more quickly than necessary. As I drove away I was struggling with myself about spying on her some more. Would the Blacks convince her to stay away from me? I was not oblivious to Billy's thoughts, I had heard his opinion many times in the past and he loathed me. But Bella was still alive, and she was still with me. She said it didn't matter to her that I was a vampire. I wonder what it will finally be, the thing that scares her away, I pondered. The thoughts of leaving her alone started to become fewer and farther between. What was her fate now? I was still worried about our trip to the meadow. I remembered Alice's vision before my resolve but they are so skewed that they could change the instant I decide to take a bite. Would I kill her? Would I take her into my arms, press my lips to her neck and sink my teeth into her, making her an immortal? I couldn't even imagine being able to stop. Would I ask Carlisle? No, she didn't deserve my fate. I would never take her soul.